My mind is still plagued by the topic of love, though I suppose there are far worse things to dwell on. Today I was wondering if it is truly possible to love somebody wholly and completely. It seems that it is not.
As humans we are all imperfect beings and we all know it. We have our flaws and weaknesses. They say a part of love is loving all of each other’s imperfections, but I would say that it is more accurate that love is about accepting them. If we truly did love the imperfections, then would we not be disappointed when they are gone? People can change, both for the better and for the worse. Everybody knows that we can be better and I believe that part of the duty of a lover is to support their love’s improvement of character.
But no matter how hard we try, it always seems that some of our characteristics are not possible to change, or perhaps they are just too difficult to change with reasonable efforts, perhaps if we did change them we would no longer be ourselves. I know that personally I have many quirks, plenty of which one would expect to be contradictory. I do not expect that any one person would be able to love all of these quirks, but I do expect that one can love me for some of them and accept that I have the other ones.
Quite frankly, I myself do not know whether I enjoy having those quirks or if I would prefer to not have them. I would say that in general I do love myself to a reasonable degree. Even so, I recognize that I have plenty of room for improvement. Yet I do not know which way I should go to truly improve. There are plenty of paths that we have in life, numerous ways in which we can focus and orient ourselves, and sometimes going down one path means that we must forsake others. Which direction is the best way to change, and what is truly good for that matter, are things that escape me.
What I do see as an issue with is when somebody tolerates but does not accept an imperfection. If were are merely tolerating something, then it is serving as a constant strain. While it is possible that people can change, one should never expect a person to. It is possible, not likely, and certainly not inevitable. Wanting a person to change a part of themselves is also putting a constant pressure on them. Further, if the tolerated by not accepted characteristic is not something that the person themselves wishes to change, then it will be a constant source of contention.
What I fear in a relationship is that the person I am with will be unrealistic until things are too late. They tell themselves they are alright with things that they know they are not, and they tell themselves that they can overlook things forever. The strong feelings of attraction at the beginning of a relationship do not last forever, but plenty of times the disliked traits will last forever. One can only tolerate something for so long, there comes a point where they must accept and move on or reject and move apart.
I suppose this does leave a question of how do we know what we are truly able to accept. Indeed, tastes and preferences can change. Perhaps something that you are merely tolerating you come to one day love. Perhaps one day something that you accept now becomes unacceptable to you later. Can we ever be certain that those who love us will always be satisfied with how we are?