My mind hangs on wearily to this waking reality, and I wonder if it is that I am up very early or up very late. Indeed, right now I am tired and I long to be lying down in bed. Sleep is the mistress that I wish to lie with and right now the quiet pleasure she can yield unto me are greater than that of any lover. Though I wonder if it is because it is so late or so early.
It is obvious that one grow tired when they are staying up late. The body has been up and active depleting itself of energy and it comes to that time when it must recharge itself with rest. It would be the first thing that one would think of if they heard somebody was feeling exhausted, “Oh they must have been up late. Maybe they had a busy day,” or something of the like.
But we are not only exhausted at a time of lateness, but also a time of earliness as well. Sleep has never come to me more easily than in moments when it was already with me and briefly
left. Indeed, sleep is much easier to beckon back into the sheets when it has only left recently. The alarm goes off buzzing and then I make it go off in silence and sleep embraces me in a great comfort, perhaps even the greatest.
Sleep comes easier to me after a night of sleep than it comes to me after a day of waking. Sleep begets sleep but awakeness does not seem to perpetuate itself in that same way… Then again neither does sleep usually, as when it is not too early and one has had enough of it. But right now I know that I have not had enough. I crave sleep so dearly.
But still I do not know if at this time it is that I am up late or early. The wee hours of the morning are so confusing. They are called the morning but also the dead of night. They are the start of the new day, but the sun has not yet risen and the time of day is not daytime. When one finds themselves awake at this time, they know that it is not a time to be awake. Biology has made us rest when the sun goes away and work when it has returned, and for a time that is what we craved.
Then parties and late night television happened. Staying up later taught us that going to bed later felt all the more satisfying when sleep does finally come. When it is 4:00AM, whether we have been awake or whether we have been asleep, sleeping then comes so easy and feels so good. But one who wakes up then could always decide to stay up for the day and begin their morning, and perhaps one who has been up all night could make the same decision.
Is such an hour late or early I do not know. I just know that now I am exhausted and not quite sure of anything else.