For some reason, that Adam Sandler movie with the remote control, Click, has been on my mind for the past week or so. I have not seen it for years now and it is certainly not a movie that stood out to me as good or horrid to the point of interest yet still it lingers. His remote control controls all of time and space, and due to a mistake, he ends up fast forwarding through most of his life, causing him to not be able to consciously experience the events he moves through meanwhile his body acts like a bit of a zombie and goes through the motions getting him through life.
Fast forwarding through your entire life seems to me to be quite an ideal way to commit suicide. There would be no pain and there would be no stigma of leaving early or of hurting your family. While acting like a zombie will not make you a very good family member, which was an issue in the movie as well, one that is severely depressed enough to be considering suicide most likely already feels that they are a burden and not a good family member in the first place. The kind of zombie that it would make you would be less of a bother than one drinking themselves to death at the very least, which is another slow and somewhat similar method of ending it all, or at the very least “checking out.”
Often I personally I feel as though I am always just waiting, but not waiting for anything in particular, perhaps waiting to find out what it is I am waiting for, or what I want to wait for. However true this may be, it seems that other people always seem to be setting goals for themselves, and then many times not actually working to achieve those goals but at the very least waiting for something, whether what they are waiting for being something tangible like going to college and getting a degree, or something less tangible like looking for “the right timing” and then they have the idea that once that time comes their goal will be achieved or then they may start working towards it properly.
As for me, There is no time, no steps that must be completed first, no goal in the first place. Just waiting for the sake of waiting and I do not enjoy this waiting and often wish that I could just skip ahead. While death is not something I really look forward to, I do see it as the inevitable end nonetheless. Quite frankly, it does not matter how my life goes down. It is not really too bad at the moment, just that I am not enjoying and and am filled with a dread that has been making it difficult to act. It often feels like I am already living like a zombie. My life could potentially improve to become more enjoyable, but even if it does, death is still how it will end. That feeling of “might as well get it over with” has always hung over my head and if I did have the remote from Click, I wonder if I might just skip ahead.